Beginnings of adulthood, going out on their own little wings, starting their own families, is an exciting  (and scary!) thought (and I am not naive enough to think that all happens when they turn 18!) But I know it is a change for our family as well. Being the eldest in my family and the first to leave the nest for college, and chool (BYU) being so far from home, then getting married after just three years away, and never returned to closer than 5 hours of home had an effect on my original family.  As a parent,  I look at the eight of us playing and arguing and laughing and all of the chaos and think this is how it is supposed to be!  They want to grow up and move on but I want to hold on to this . . .

Looking at 2010 and what I need to work on I am honestly assessing how well we have prepared our children, what skills do I need to work on with each of them for their age and maturity level, as a family set some goals of basics and preparednesses, and things each would like to learn.  In some areas we are doing great, for example both of the girls have done  all of their own laundry for years and can both cook and bake independently.  The older boys can do some basic cooking.  Everyone has chores.  Simplify and organize are skills we all can work on this year.

But the root of the matter is time is marching on, as it always does.  It seems to have sped up now with teenagers in the game.  This year will have 52 weekends, 52 Sabbaths, 52+chances for a weekly family night, and in our best case 365 chances to tuck in your babies and kiss them good night, 365 days to say “I love you”, and countless opportunities to make today, this moment count.

Live without regret! Is one of my firmly held mantras–when making a choice go with the one you would regret more if you hadn’t chosen it.  Laugh, dance, sing, kiss, be silly, rejoice, love your family to pieces and let them know it!  You won’t regret it and neither will I!

10.  The librarians know our entire family by name. 

9.  We have crazy family dance time at least weekly.

8.  Family read alouds are the best! (We recommend Fablehaven series and Candy Shop Wars as two favorites!)

7. LESS NOISE!!!

6.  No more trying to quick change the channel during “uncomfortable” commercials.

5. We are actually doing our genealogy/family history work.

4. No longer frustrated by the lack of real news coverage on the local nightly news.

3. One less thing for the kids to argue over.

2.  Political ads, need I say more?

1.  Our kids didn’t know what to ask for Christmas.

One of my favorite Christmas gifts was from Arwen, our 14 1/2 yo.  It was a copy of the poem “Mike TeaVee” from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory by Ronald Dahl thanking me for getting rid of broadcast TV. 

Lately, I have had a wonderful eye-opening experience shooting senior portraits.  I do not think that I am a terribly judgmental person, but like most people I do make judgment calls and perhaps prejudge people I meet, (and maybe I am harsher on teenagers!)  But as they sit in front of my lens and I am truly in the moment something happens.  My shell of prejudice begins to fall away and I feel a connection with the divine in that person.

First, I see them as their mother or grandmother may see them, with loving, kind, forgiving eyes.  And then after just a few more minutes I get a glimpse of how I think a loving Heavenly Father, or God, sees them, and I am in awe.  I begin to see things in them and appreciate them in new ways.  The camera lens becomes a lens to see through His eyes.

This is why I love what I do.  My heart has been softened.  I have been given a precious gift–eyes to see more than I on my own could possibly know.  For me creating portraits that capture the best in each person is not simply a technical matter of lighting, posing, and angles.  For me, each portrait is to show a child of God as the true work of art.

I grew up on the beach. I continue to take my kids to the beach as much as possible. I love the beach, now welove the beach. It is not that I am a sun worshipper–certainly not! I keep a hat and sunscreen on most of the time. Sitting at ocean’s edge yesterday watching my kids and their cousins each finding their own revelry I pondered what it is about the beach that draws me here like a giant magnent each summer. There is other water to play in, pools, lakes, and the like much closer to home. (We drive five hours to come to Grammy and Pop’s and of course seeing them is always wonderful and has its own appeal–that is not to be questioned!)

Reason #1: The beach has very few rules. Stay safe and respect other people. That kind of covers it for me. Staying safe means each child knows what their personal limits are as far as the water is concerned whether it is feet only, knees only, waist only, stay with a buddy, and stay within the orange flags. Respecting others covers use of toys and space and throwing sand. Oh, and keep your suit on. Kids like very few rules. As a parent I like very few rules. If you feel like rolling in sand–go for it! If you feels like running wildly in circles, it is your prerogative (if it does not negatively impact someone else). Yelling, stomping, splashing, even spitting, all forbidden most places, are a-okay at the beach. (My nephew Jack was blowing his nose directly into the sand, I didn’t make a big deal.)  All good stuff.

Reason #2: Sea and shore cry to be explored, and not carefully. My theory is that all kids are mini-scientists trying to figure out how the world works. The beach is perfect for this. Whether they know it or not they are learning about measurements as they pour water back and forth between different containers, physics as they build sand castles, art as they study the colors and patterns in the shells, biology as they watch the small life forms in the tidal pools. But kids don’t need those names, those categories, as they discover, enjoy each new thing, unrushed, unhampered by any expectations. The pure joy of building a drip castle just to watch where the next drip will go is a reward all its own. If they feel like smashing it that is okay too. Collecting shells is great but seeing how difficult or easy it is to smash them is fine to. True exploration does better with little rules to hinder it.

Reason #3: All senses are stimulated. Not everyone loves the beach, which is a difficult thing for me to fathom. But I have come to this explanation–some people do not like having all of their senses aroused in this way. Me and my kids we love it! Before we can even see the ocean itself we can smell it in the air, taste it on the breeze, hear it in the distance. If you have ever slept within a stone’s throw of the sea by an open window before opening your eyes your ears, nose, and mouth tell you where you are. The roar of the surf, the call of the gulls immediately calms me. And not to forget the tactile experience! Yesterday my 18-month old niece Sheridan upon reaching the sand flopped down to experience the sand all over her body, swimming in it. I have been on other sorts of beaches but I have a preference for the fine sand the squished between your toes when wet, pours smoothly when dry. Sand is very relaxing to manipulate, rake, shovel, pour, smooth. And then the water! Sitting right at the water’s edge feeling the tide come and go is a favorite place to play, feeling that water come and go. We jump waves, we ride waves, we dive through waves, into waves, and over waves. We float. Often I come out of the water feeling like I have had a massage.  Then there is the temperature to stimulate the senses as well cool water or warm warm cool breeze warm breeze. Even feeling the textures of the rocks, shells, seaweed, barnacles, jellyfish, driftwood–we love to touch it all, soak it all up.

We come away from a day at the beach blissfully exhausted, senses satiated.  We love the beach.

Changes over the past few months feel to be coming together to prove pivotal. 

1.  Migraines are under control.  What a blessing!  Thank you for all of your prayers and suggestions!  It has been over two weeks!  Topamax is my friend.  I was very leery of it, but love it.  I also keep Imitrex injections with me but, thankfully, have not had to use it yet and maybe never will.  Gatorade along with lots of water helps keep low level headaches at bay.  Life is good, it has always been good, but it is so much easier to appreciate that fact without daily migraines knocking down my door. 

2.  Weaning my youngest, and expected last child, has changed me.  Besides the need for new, smaller bras, I feel differently.  I have come to the long over due realization that I am no longer a “young mother”.  (When one is pregnant or nursing it is easier to hold onto that bit of fantasy of being “young”.)  Now 40 looms closer than ever.  Truly, I do not dread it nor do I covet youth, (I covet energy) I am simply trying to find my place, figure out what follows “young mother”.

3.  High School is upon us.  The same week I weaned Rosie, Arwen turned 14.  The beginning of the end.  Only four years or so until she is on her own, an adult, we are almost done the majority of our part with her.  And with all of the kids being about two years apart, each will soon follow.  My mother has always been the warning voice that these precious years with little ones would go quickly, but with all of the kids being about two years apart I have had perpetual toddlers followed by babies followed by toddlers and it seemed never to end.  Now I believe her.

4.  Community Action.  It has taken a year of being on the Board of Directors for our local Community Action Agency to really figure out what it is all about, and now I am hooked.  This is where I need to be.  Sociology was my major and my passion in college, I never wavered from my major like most students do.  I went to graduate school for Sociology, mostly so I could teach undergraduate classes.  Ironically, my Masters thesis, which never came to fruition, (but I did present a paper on it at the American Sociological Association conference) was on Head Start.  Why is that ironic?  Because Community Action is where Head Start started.  I lost momentum in sociology because I wanted to make a difference in the world by doing not just researching which is the primary focus of sociology.  (I was married my senior year of college and was subsequently quite happily pregnant second year into grad school but was severely anemic and slept all the time.)  I wish I had found Community Action then, but maybe that was not meant to be.  But I am certain it is meant to be now.  For more information on what is Community Action check out  http://www.communityactionpartnership.com/about/about_caas/default.asp#what_are 

5.  Stake service.  I was just this week called to serve in the Stake Primary Presidency, which in LDS jargon means I am with two other women who oversee the children’s organizations (18 months-12 years old) in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in this region, eight congregations spread over about 125 mile radius.  Our main purpose is to support the leaders of the children’s organizations, to give them the support, love, training, and information they need.  It will involve traveling most Thursday evenings for meetings and one or two Sundays most months.  It is a change from administering locally to regionally, although I have not been serving with the children for a few years but doing lots of other things ; )   I am very excited about the new calling!  Our church is all lay ministry, no paid positions.  I hesitate to say “volunteer” because we don’t actual volunteer but are called to serve and then given the choice to accept the call or not.  I most joyfully accepted!  I love to teach and one of my favorite things to teach is how to teach!  Getting to travel around the area and meet new people is also so exciting. 

Five is good, I’ll stop there.  You get point.  Change, change, change.  I seek to embrace it, find my place, get on with new adventures!  No time to mourn the past–celebrating it becomes part of moving on.  Sounds good, now we’ll see if I can do it!

The conference was wonderful!  I found myself among like minds and kindred spirits.  The evening’s festivities ended with a salsa dance lesson followed by a Latin orchestra playing the night away.  I love dancing and my sore muscles were ready for that soak so I retired to my room.  All proceeded well except there was no option for softer lighting, like a candle, but oh well it was still peace and quiet. 

I applied the mud to arms and legs and enjoyed soaking while it dried UNTIL I noticed the smears of purplely mud on the white fabric shower curtain, surely no worry, right?  Well, could I relax after that?  No!  I had to know if the smears would come out for just at dinner that evening the conversation had turned to talk of hotel cleaning fees of $250 and my room was paid by the non-profit that sent me, they hadn’t even required a credit card of me.  I couldn’t take the embarrassment of them being charged a cleaning fee for me!

I showered off the almost dry organic cactus body mud and then turned to see the purplely splatters all over the shower walls.  I wiped those down as the tub drained only to look down and see a purplely ring around the tub to be scrubbed.  As I did that I was hopeful that the shower curtain would be rinsed clean, washing away all evidence of my folly.  No such luck.  The next task was taking a bar of soap to the shower curtain and patiently scrubbing out the huge smears of mud.  It turned out well after quite a while of scrubbing.  Then I rinsed the washclothes, bat mat, and towels the best I could.  In the end the bathroom showed very little trace of my pampering. Pampering-Ha.

So that is how I ended my relaxing evening–for fun I scrub down other people’s bathrooms.

But from this experience I take this, maybe next time when my kids give the defense “Well, it seemed like a good idea at the time . . .” I will have a bit more empathy for them.  I know how it feels.

Anyone who has lived with chronic pain I’m sure will attest to the relief when it is alleviated or ameliorated.  I encourage you each to take a minute–and hopefully more–to stop and count your blessings, each functioning body part, everything that doesn’t hurt, the activities in your life you do without thought or notice, each and every loved one around you, every friend, every opportunity to give and serve, everyone who cheers you along your way, and may your list go on and on.  This life is short, lets not take one single day for granted, “headaches” will come along the way in some form or another, but next time we feel some pain let it be a reminder to us for all of the reasons for rejoicing we have every single day.

9.  The kids no longer ask what color is your headache–they know Mama has “green” headaches(”my green” headaches- get it?)

8.  Your 2-year-old goes around saying “My head is killing me!”

7.  Your 12 year-old has made more dinners than you lately.

6.  You forget what frozen peas are really for.

5. Contingency plans happen more often than original plans.

4. Every family prayer includes, “And help Mama’s head to feel better.”

3.  When “Honey, I have a headache” NOW means “You have to go pick up the kids from school.”

2.  Baby begs you, ”Please no sleep in the closet anymore, Mama!”

1.  All the kisses in the world don’t make your “owie head” go away.

      Unfortunatley, these are all too true in our house.  If I don’t laugh, I’ll cry.  If you too have migraines, my sympathies go out to you.  If someone in your life suffers as I do, please be kind to them.  It is because migraines were taking over my life that I weaned my baby so I could treat them.  Nothing has helped so far.  I keep asking the Lord what I am to learn from this thorn in my side (or rather in my head) but I guess lots of patience is the only answer I see so far.  All prayers are appreciated–He may not remove the trial but He will always strengthen those who ask. 

I tried to relax and enjoy the music and general peace and quiet at church.  Admittedly, I watched the clock and felt nervous as the ten o’clock hour approached.  At 9:58 AM my family came through the chapel doors.  I was mortified.

Moose had on a dirty sweater, jeans, and sneakers.  Scoob had had on a decent polo with his pajama bottoms when I left, but now he had on a stained blue t-shirt with a too-small blue blazer over it, a third shade of blue pants and sandals.  Rosie had on the outfit I had originally put her in that morning but it was the first time she had worn that dress and apparently the buttons were loathe to stay buttoned up as her belly was hanging very clearly out as only one button remained done up.  All three had hair in various directions.  My husband beamed–they were on time.

I am not a perfectionist.  Maybe my children did not look so very different from normal.  But today not only was Cherish to speak, but our entire family was to stand up on the stand and sing “Love is Spoken Here.”  This was time for a quick gut check.

Between my DH and I, taking up the entire length of the pew, sat our six beautiful, healthy, wonderful children.  So what if Scoob’s toes were hanging off the end of his shoes, none of that really matters.  We are all here, together, with so much to be grateful for, so very, very much.

Cherish gave a beautiful talk about the importance of families and honoring parents.  Together we sang about love being spoken in our home.  I couldn’t have been prouder.  If anyone felt to judge us that day I feel sorry for them.  I hope our Heavenly parents look upon us, disheleved as we may be, with love and affection and acceptance, even if our belly buttons do hang out.

12 years of breastfeeding, 5 years of pregnancy, wow.  I feel a bit satisfied with myself, and a bit sad to see it end.  On to new adventures, new challenges.  They are all growing up too quickly to look backwards for long.  Forward to the next era!

I say this because my love of the earth goes beyond the current debate on global warming.  It goes back to an early childhood love of playing in the ocean, exploring fields and forests, appreciation for all things natural.  Raised in a religious home we were taught to be grateful for the beautiful gift of the earth from a loving Heavenly Father.

One thing I learned in Statistics 101 is that statistics are malleable.  (If you think there is no debate check out this out www.youtube.com/watch?v=216v5AoQcFQ )   The debate on global warming really has not changed anything for me, nor will it.  I act out of a feeling of stewardship for what we have inherited and what we will leave for future generations.  One of the most powerful things I took away from Environmental Biology in college came when Dr. Rushforth asked “What decision will you make that will have the greatest environmental impact?”  We talked about choice of cars, homes, recycling, but none of that was the answer, “Your decision to have a child.  Each child you bring into the world is another consumer and has the potential of creating other consumers.”  He was not advocating the abolition of procreation, (that would not be acceptable at BYU!) but wanting us to feel the weight of our responsibility as citizens of the earth and parents.   

I have felt that responsibility deeply, especially in light of the choice we have made to bring six consumers into this world.  Unlike many environmentally-minded folks I do not buy into the population crisis and support a zero population growth.  I have more faith in our God, our Earth, and ourselves to be better with current resources.  We are so incredibly wasteful in so many ways, this is a real tragedy. 

Raising my own crop of future consumers it is my hope that I can teach them the sense of stewardship I feel, act responsibly towards all of the Earth’s resources, question our consumer culture, and be a force for creative change towards sustainability in the future that we may have many years to come of Happy Earth Days.