Mama’s Musings

(Light on posts this summer because of so much summer fun! Even now I am writing from my parent’s home on another beach visit.)

I grew up on the beach. I continue to take my kids to the beach as much as possible. I love the beach, now welove the beach. It is not that I am a sun worshipper–certainly not! I keep a hat and sunscreen on most of the time. Sitting at ocean’s edge yesterday watching my kids and their cousins each finding their own revelry I pondered what it is about the beach that draws me here like a giant magnent each summer. There is other water to play in, pools, lakes, and the like much closer to home. (We drive five hours to come to Grammy and Pop’s and of course seeing them is always wonderful and has its own appeal–that is not to be questioned!)

Reason #1: The beach has very few rules. Stay safe and respect other people. That kind of covers it for me. Staying safe means each child knows what their personal limits are as far as the water is concerned whether it is feet only, knees only, waist only, stay with a buddy, and stay within the orange flags. Respecting others covers use of toys and space and throwing sand. Oh, and keep your suit on. Kids like very few rules. As a parent I like very few rules. If you feel like rolling in sand–go for it! If you feels like running wildly in circles, it is your prerogative (if it does not negatively impact someone else). Yelling, stomping, splashing, even spitting, all forbidden most places, are a-okay at the beach. (My nephew Jack was blowing his nose directly into the sand, I didn’t make a big deal.)  All good stuff.

Reason #2: Sea and shore cry to be explored, and not carefully. My theory is that all kids are mini-scientists trying to figure out how the world works. The beach is perfect for this. Whether they know it or not they are learning about measurements as they pour water back and forth between different containers, physics as they build sand castles, art as they study the colors and patterns in the shells, biology as they watch the small life forms in the tidal pools. But kids don’t need those names, those categories, as they discover, enjoy each new thing, unrushed, unhampered by any expectations. The pure joy of building a drip castle just to watch where the next drip will go is a reward all its own. If they feel like smashing it that is okay too. Collecting shells is great but seeing how difficult or easy it is to smash them is fine to. True exploration does better with little rules to hinder it.

Reason #3: All senses are stimulated. Not everyone loves the beach, which is a difficult thing for me to fathom. But I have come to this explanation–some people do not like having all of their senses aroused in this way. Me and my kids we love it! Before we can even see the ocean itself we can smell it in the air, taste it on the breeze, hear it in the distance. If you have ever slept within a stone’s throw of the sea by an open window before opening your eyes your ears, nose, and mouth tell you where you are. The roar of the surf, the call of the gulls immediately calms me. And not to forget the tactile experience! Yesterday my 18-month old niece Sheridan upon reaching the sand flopped down to experience the sand all over her body, swimming in it. I have been on other sorts of beaches but I have a preference for the fine sand the squished between your toes when wet, pours smoothly when dry. Sand is very relaxing to manipulate, rake, shovel, pour, smooth. And then the water! Sitting right at the water’s edge feeling the tide come and go is a favorite place to play, feeling that water come and go. We jump waves, we ride waves, we dive through waves, into waves, and over waves. We float. Often I come out of the water feeling like I have had a massage.  Then there is the temperature to stimulate the senses as well cool water or warm warm cool breeze warm breeze. Even feeling the textures of the rocks, shells, seaweed, barnacles, jellyfish, driftwood–we love to touch it all, soak it all up.

We come away from a day at the beach blissfully exhausted, senses satiated.  We love the beach.

I am ready for a new beginning.  Many corporations and agencies end their fiscal year June 30 so this year I declare my New Year around the corner, too. 

Changes over the past few months feel to be coming together to prove pivotal. 

1.  Migraines are under control.  What a blessing!  Thank you for all of your prayers and suggestions!  It has been over two weeks!  Topamax is my friend.  I was very leery of it, but love it.  I also keep Imitrex injections with me but, thankfully, have not had to use it yet and maybe never will.  Gatorade along with lots of water helps keep low level headaches at bay.  Life is good, it has always been good, but it is so much easier to appreciate that fact without daily migraines knocking down my door. 

2.  Weaning my youngest, and expected last child, has changed me.  Besides the need for new, smaller bras, I feel differently.  I have come to the long over due realization that I am no longer a “young mother”.  (When one is pregnant or nursing it is easier to hold onto that bit of fantasy of being “young”.)  Now 40 looms closer than ever.  Truly, I do not dread it nor do I covet youth, (I covet energy) I am simply trying to find my place, figure out what follows “young mother”.

3.  High School is upon us.  The same week I weaned Rosie, Arwen turned 14.  The beginning of the end.  Only four years or so until she is on her own, an adult, we are almost done the majority of our part with her.  And with all of the kids being about two years apart, each will soon follow.  My mother has always been the warning voice that these precious years with little ones would go quickly, but with all of the kids being about two years apart I have had perpetual toddlers followed by babies followed by toddlers and it seemed never to end.  Now I believe her.

4.  Community Action.  It has taken a year of being on the Board of Directors for our local Community Action Agency to really figure out what it is all about, and now I am hooked.  This is where I need to be.  Sociology was my major and my passion in college, I never wavered from my major like most students do.  I went to graduate school for Sociology, mostly so I could teach undergraduate classes.  Ironically, my Masters thesis, which never came to fruition, (but I did present a paper on it at the American Sociological Association conference) was on Head Start.  Why is that ironic?  Because Community Action is where Head Start started.  I lost momentum in sociology because I wanted to make a difference in the world by doing not just researching which is the primary focus of sociology.  (I was married my senior year of college and was subsequently quite happily pregnant second year into grad school but was severely anemic and slept all the time.)  I wish I had found Community Action then, but maybe that was not meant to be.  But I am certain it is meant to be now.  For more information on what is Community Action check out  http://www.communityactionpartnership.com/about/about_caas/default.asp#what_are 

5.  Stake service.  I was just this week called to serve in the Stake Primary Presidency, which in LDS jargon means I am with two other women who oversee the children’s organizations (18 months-12 years old) in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in this region, eight congregations spread over about 125 mile radius.  Our main purpose is to support the leaders of the children’s organizations, to give them the support, love, training, and information they need.  It will involve traveling most Thursday evenings for meetings and one or two Sundays most months.  It is a change from administering locally to regionally, although I have not been serving with the children for a few years but doing lots of other things ; )   I am very excited about the new calling!  Our church is all lay ministry, no paid positions.  I hesitate to say “volunteer” because we don’t actual volunteer but are called to serve and then given the choice to accept the call or not.  I most joyfully accepted!  I love to teach and one of my favorite things to teach is how to teach!  Getting to travel around the area and meet new people is also so exciting. 

Five is good, I’ll stop there.  You get point.  Change, change, change.  I seek to embrace it, find my place, get on with new adventures!  No time to mourn the past–celebrating it becomes part of moving on.  Sounds good, now we’ll see if I can do it!

You ever have one of those ideas that seems like a really good idea at the time BUT then proves not to be?  I had one of those.  Last week I was packing to go overnight to a conference.  I would have a hotel room all to myself (do I even remember how to sleep in a bed alone???) and as I was choosing my toiletries to go with me I came across a tube of “Organic Cactus Body Mud–Indulge yourself!”  Well, it has been a long time since I treated myself to any sort of spa treatments so I thought this would be the perfect opportunity to soak in a tub and treat my skin to some pampering.

The conference was wonderful!  I found myself among like minds and kindred spirits.  The evening’s festivities ended with a salsa dance lesson followed by a Latin orchestra playing the night away.  I love dancing and my sore muscles were ready for that soak so I retired to my room.  All proceeded well except there was no option for softer lighting, like a candle, but oh well it was still peace and quiet. 

I applied the mud to arms and legs and enjoyed soaking while it dried UNTIL I noticed the smears of purplely mud on the white fabric shower curtain, surely no worry, right?  Well, could I relax after that?  No!  I had to know if the smears would come out for just at dinner that evening the conversation had turned to talk of hotel cleaning fees of $250 and my room was paid by the non-profit that sent me, they hadn’t even required a credit card of me.  I couldn’t take the embarrassment of them being charged a cleaning fee for me!

I showered off the almost dry organic cactus body mud and then turned to see the purplely splatters all over the shower walls.  I wiped those down as the tub drained only to look down and see a purplely ring around the tub to be scrubbed.  As I did that I was hopeful that the shower curtain would be rinsed clean, washing away all evidence of my folly.  No such luck.  The next task was taking a bar of soap to the shower curtain and patiently scrubbing out the huge smears of mud.  It turned out well after quite a while of scrubbing.  Then I rinsed the washclothes, bat mat, and towels the best I could.  In the end the bathroom showed very little trace of my pampering. Pampering-Ha.

So that is how I ended my relaxing evening–for fun I scrub down other people’s bathrooms.

But from this experience I take this, maybe next time when my kids give the defense “Well, it seemed like a good idea at the time . . .” I will have a bit more empathy for them.  I know how it feels.